Federal Candidate Qualification
and Oversight Authority

Establishing a New Standard of Integrity, Transparency,
and Accountability in Federal Elections

Certify

The Federal Election Board certifies that candidates are eligible to run.

Monitor

3rd Party monitoring of candidates and elected officials digital footprint.

Enforce

Revocation of candidacy or office in the event of an infraction.

FCQOA Mission

Mission Statement

Because Trust Is for Suckers

At the Federal Candidate Qualification and Oversight Authority (FCQOA), our mission is simple: make running for office harder than getting into NASA, passing a bar exam during a fire drill, and surviving a DMV line combined.

We exist to ensure that anyone who wants to lead the country must first prove they can survive:

A paperwork obstacle course
Random drug tests on their birthday
A polygraph exam judged by their exes
And the moral scrutiny of a retired kindergarten teacher with a clipboard and no mercy.

We believe that transparency should be invasive, oversight should be terrifying, and leadership should be earned through blood, sweat, and notarized utility bills.

In short: if you want the nuclear codes, start by proving you paid your 2006 property taxes on time.

Establishing The Right Connections

Equality and Rights for Leadership Hopefuls

At the FCQOA, we believe everyone should have a fair chance to run for office—as long as they’re willing to hand over their entire existence. Our process ensures that only the truly worthy—those with clean drug tests, impeccable filing skills, and zero fear of lifelong digital surveillance—are elevated to positions of national trust. Equality means everyone gets the same opportunity to be poked, prodded, background-checked, and livestreamed. Rights? Absolutely. The right to surrender privacy, dignity, and the last shred of mystery in your life. Because only then can we be sure you’re the kind of person we want holding launch codes and ribbon-cutting scissors.